October

10/31 - "Here's a good thing to pass out on Halloween, a candy-bomb. Then when the kid eats it, his head will explode!" (A)

10/30 - "If your brakes don't work, don't drive. Period!!" (A)

10/29 - "Whenever you feel like breaking something, make sure you're in someone else's house."

10/28 - "Don't try to cut your own hair... if you're blind."

10/27 - "Carrying a nutcracker in your front pocket is potentially as dangerous as running with scissors." (G)

10/26 -"Just because the child's pajamas say they're flame retardant doesn't mean letting it play with fireworks indoors is a good idea." (G)

10/25 - "Don't carry flammable objects in the same box as strike-anywhere matches."

10/22 - "Try not to throw away your 3-ring binders; they might end up being worth something."

10/21 - "Ice cream is good to eat because it doesn't have any bones." (G)

10/20 - "Don't ever insult a man with a loaded gun."

10/19 - "If you ever find yourself in a foreign land where no one can communicate with you, I think it'd be a good idea to say 'Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon...' over and over because you'll probably be kind of lonely and hey, who doesn't like watermelon?" (G)

10/18 - "If you ever lose something, think of where you are going to look last, and look there first."

10/17 - "Don't sleep with knives, especially if you roll around a lot."

10/16 - "Don't fall asleep first."

10/15 - "If you own a camel, try not to ride it everyday. Sometimes you can get sore."

10/14 - "Don't tell a girl you love her, when you don't. It might come back to bite you."

10/13 - "If you go camping, bring matches. Fire scares the bears away."

10/12 - "Don't buy a bootleg CD from a guy that sold your friend a blank one."

10/11 - "If you ever go to a movie, see a bad one, because if you fall asleep, you don't miss anything."